The Disturbing Diary of General Grievous
by hnhnh2
Summary: My first FanFic, my first comedy,and my first online published story.  So, what was Grievous really like before Ep. 3? Was he ever a nice cyborg? Read this to find out! Only good reviews please!
1. Chapter 1

The Diary of General Grievous

**Disclamer thingy: Unfortunatly, I do not own the Star Wars series, or anything that George Lucas makes….. So… um….. Enjoy my story! Its my first Star Wars story, and my first comedy story. Again, please enjoy**! **Only review if you like it please. **

Dear Diary,

This is my first time writing anything about myself, or writing about my feelings, unless you count the time I put graffiti all over the Jedi Temple, saying things like "Go wave your glowrods were it helps!" or "Force is force!" and my personal favorite, "Jedi scum!" My master insists that I write everything down, so it will help me get over my paranoia that everybody wants to kill me. I was weary of this whole "diary" thing at first, until he said that the diary was hot pink. I like pink. It makes me feel all happy inside.

Grievous

Dear Diary,

I never realized how fun it was, killing people. Before I joined the Seppie's, and got my cyborg body, it was all about killing the Yam'rii. I always enjoyed hearing the loud crunch as their carapaces broke under my feet. But now, killing Jedi, and watching them squirm is much more fun. I sometimes wish I were back on Kalee, with what is left of my family, but I can't. My vacation time as an Apprentice is almost nothing.

Grievous

Dear Diary,

I am sooooooo happy today. I passed my training, and am now the Supreme Commander of the Separatist Army. That means I now get better benefits, and more vacation time. Even a raise! I go on my new ship today, the _Malevolence_. I meet the droid troops, and they seem nice. Time for me to go with my new friends!

Grievous

Dear Diary,

Dooku doesn't want me to have any friends. He saw my Diary entries, and he thinks I am too nice. He said he was going to punish me, to make me meaner. So he threw my Kaminoian Spongeworm that I named Wormy out the airlock. And then he called my mother a lame excuse for a Bi-pedial. And he ripped up my recipe for Rancor noodle soup. I cried for hours because of that . Then he

(rest of page is covered with tears, and is unreadable)

**So, tell me how you like it! Once again, only good reviews please. Im gonna make more if people say they like it!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hoorah! People likes ma story! Meesa happy! I will keep writing!

Disclamer thingy: Ok, blah blah blah, blah blah, blah. I don't own anything Star Warsy. (If that's even a word!)

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I feel just feel angry. Really angry. Like how yesterday, when Dooku well, did some things, that, (wet spots on page) well, I don't like talking about. But no one knows about the one thing that will keep me nice forever. My stuffed Bantha named Wooly. (Wet spots stop) Whenever I feel angry, Wooly always makes me feel better. I talk to him, and when I squeeze him, he says things like, "Sharing is caring!" or "A dead Jedi a day keeps the Republic away!" and my favorite, "I luv you!". That one always brings tears to my eyes. I'm talking to him right now.

Grievous and Wooly

Dear Diary,

Ever since after Dooku found my diary the first time, weird things have started happening. I feel like my entire life is scripted, and that I am only around as long as someone likes me. I mean, every time something goes right for a change, the Jedi are always there to stop me! I literally walk around a corner to go to the bathroom (which is hard to do, being a cyborg) and a Jedi is right there! Infront of the bathroom! In my own house! One time, I even saw that Senator from Naboo and Skywalker making out in my closet were I keep my capes! The other day, his stupid Padawan almost found Wooly! But I will always keep him safe….

Grievous and Wooly

Dear Diary

I found some stupid Jedi and clones in my basement the other day. They killed my pet roggwart, Gor. Other people have vermin in their basement, but NO! I have Clone Cadets knocking on my front door everyday, asking if I want to buy some Yoda Cookies for their Clone Scouts. I have to get up in the morning, practice saying "Jedi scum!" do my inhaler for my terrible asthma, drink a cup of Caf, and answer the door! I cut their heads off and throw it at their Clone Scout shuttles, which park on my nice little rock garden. I have to redo that everyday too! It makes me feel calm though, so that's ok I guess. Wooly says that caring is sharing. He's right, like always.

Grievous and Wooly


	3. Chapter 3

Disclamer: By the Order of the Galactic Republic, I am hereby ordered to say the following. I do not own Star Wars….. blah blah blah… blah…. And any fish that read this, I apologize for the first diary entry in this chapter.

Dear Diary,

Today, I got a new lightsaber! It was from a Mon Calamari Jedi, named Nahdar Vebb. He and another Jedi, Kit Fisto, somehow got into my castle. It was strange, considering I had just been watching a show on the cooking channel during my flight back home. It had featured some old human making a nice dinner of Bluefish. It took her so long just to cut the fish in half, and then cook it. I would do just what I almost did to that Jedi Knight that got me in a saber lock. I would cut in half with my lightsaber, making a clean cut, and cooking it at the same time. When I cook, I wear this big puffy hat and apron that says "General Grievous, part-time Jedi hunter, part-time professional cook!" I love that apron. I think I will invite some of my Trade Federation buddies over tonight for dinner. I will have to hide Wooly though…

General Grievous

-THE BEST COOK IN THE GALAXY!-

Dear Diary,

Remember how I said I was going to have that dinner party? Well… it did not end well. At first, when the guests started to arrive, people were happy. I stood at the door handing out little cookies that said C.I.S on them. Everybody liked them, exept for Ventress, since she was allergic to fun. She ate one, but then she had to go home since she had a happy spasm, which ended up in constant hugging of all the dinner guests. After the cookies, I led everyone around my castle, which I had decorated with nice ribbons, pictures of me killing Jedi, and some preserved Jedi heads. I saw some of the guests shiver when they saw them, but I like them. They bring back good memories.

My Electronic Sith Coach says I need to go to bed now, so I will write the rest in the morning!

General Grievous

-Who needs to go to bed-

Dear Diary,

Like I was saying before my Coach yelled at me, the party went good at the start. After the tour, I showed everyone the nice view of the bleak depressing mountains and the fog. I started to cook the fish, and when I was done, even Darth Sidious said it was "Most impressive." That made me happy, and feel all fuzzy inside! During dinner, however, things started getting bad. Nute Gunray got into an argument with Dooku over whether or not we should attack Kamino. That fight ended up with Gunray in shock, and also needing a new kidney, and maybe some plastic surgery. And, they broke my fancy Mustafarian table! That made me sad, and I called them all scum, made some rude gestures that would shame a Hutt, and kicked them all out, chasing them with my lightsabers. Not a good idea to have a dinner party with Sith and stuck up rich politicians.

General Grievous

-Do not have dinner with a Sith Lord!-

So, read and review, or Grievous will find you… and beat you with a fish! (and he will do that if you make bad reviews )


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